Atercare is more important than you think. There are a lot of emotions involved in submitting to someone, handing over total control. You need to learn when to baby your submissive. We aren’t just there to do the housework, tend to your needs, and hand out sexual favors like Halloween candy. There may be a lot of times where we want to be used, made to feel like your prized possession, controlled, and dominated but we also want to feel like you respect us as a person. We need to know that you will take care of us both emotionally and physically, because how else can we trust you enough to just hand over the reigns and ‘do as we’re told’?
Predominantly in a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic the transfer of control is something that happens all the time but mostly like an underground current. It remains there in your daily life but it doesn’t always make itself visible. For all outward appearances, a majority of the time you may seem like every other vanilla couple. But then there are times where the transfer of control is VERY present. In rough sex play, bondage, the handing out of discipline or punishment, and other times, the heightened emotions that come with a total control transfer are compounded. This is when aftercare is needed the most.
Think of aftercare as a way to truly show your submissive that you appreciate her submission, to recognize the fact that she trusts you so much she’s willing to put her life in your hands, to pay homage to the fact that it is her submission that gives you the strength to be a real Master – not just of your world but hers as well. She will do ANYTHING for you, adore you, worship you, and give you the freedom, and the courage, to be the leader in a world that doesn’t exactly encourage it. When you experience a time of extremely evident power conversion she needs to know that you are always there for her and will always take care of her.
Aftercare can involve many things. Whispered I love you’s or I appreciate you’s. Reassurance that everything is ok or, in the case of a punishment, that you still love her, she is not a bad person, and that her indiscretion is forgiven and it’s time to move on. Offer her a glass of water or something to drink. Hold her if she cries. Let her know you are not going anywhere. Rub her back, play with her hair, or any number of those things you know she likes and that help her relax. After scenes, bondage, or rough sex play, especially if it induces sub-zone, she needs some time to adjust to going back into the ‘real world’ and as her Master you need to help her make that transition as smoothly and comfortably as possible so she will completely trust you when it happens again.
This is not the time to roll over after sex and fall asleep. It’s not the time to dish out the punishment and then say ‘ok now get back to work’. It’s not the time to make a phone call, turn on the tv, or attend to something else you wanted to do. Know that aftercare is a real necessity and plan in time for that when you know it will be needed.
I need aftercare every time without fail – after sex, after “play” or a scene, after punishment or discipline. It’s my way of knowing Master still loves me, isn’t upset with me, or just because I need that calm and soothing connection to Him as I drift back into the regular world. If you claim to be a Dom who is experienced and you’re not giving aftercare, there’s something seriously wrong. If your new to the lifestyle make sure you do your research and discuss it together with your sub. Don’t assume she won’t need it because I’m telling you, she will. The type or amount of aftercare can be different for everyone, and even different depending on what it’s coming after, just remember it’s necessary because it helps her feel grounded, safe, and mentally ok. She will trust you more, adore you more, and even want to please you more, if she knows she means so much to you that you take the time to make sure she’s alright. Not getting aftercare can do some real damage.
As a Master you are charged with both her physical and mental well being. Your prized possession isn’t worth as much if it’s broken – so please don’t break it.
Note – I’ve geared this post mostly to Dominants but if you’re a submissive and reading this please remember if you are not getting the aftercare you need discuss it with your Dom. Don’t try to be strong and just get through it, don’t think that you’re doing Him any favors by not letting Him know that you need it. Aftercare is not a want, it’s a need, to your emotional well being and if that need is not met it will grow in intensity and it will affect your ability to submit. My point is, it will do more damage in the long run so don’t be afraid to mention or talk about it.