In a D/s or M/s dynamic rituals can be very important. A ritual is something that is done, on a repetitive basis, with a certain intent or focus and it can help a submissive/slave stay in that mindset even when other parts of life are going crazy. Whether the rituals are simple or complex, short or lengthy, really depend on the couple and what you are trying to achieve.
For a while I’ve had the ritual of kneeling beside the bed at night and asking for permission to get into bed with Master. Sometimes I kneel only for a couple of minutes, ask, and He grants permission. Other times I kneel longer. Sometimes we talk, other times I just lay my head in His lap while we watch something on TV and He plays with my hair. Other times I just rest my head, atop my crossed arms, on the bed and simply breath/wait while He’s finishing up something on His phone or laptop. There have been a couple times where He’s told me to get into bed and I’ve asked if I could kneel a little longer because I knew I needed it (see what a good slave I am? Hehe). I like this ritual because it helps me find my center. I could have a crazy hectic day, even start to get a little bratty, but when I kneel there, beside His bed, just before bedtime, it gives me the time and space I need to let it all go and just exist, just be His, and not worry about anything else.
Soooo….given that ritual was such a success, because there’s nothing like ending my day in total submission, I asked if I could have a ritual for in the morning. I could see multiple benefits to this. First of all because it means I get to also start every day with a feeling of submission. Second, I am not, like the world is not flat kind of not – meaning there is no question here, most definitely not a morning person, so having a morning ritual, that I had to perform, would get me out of bed and at least on my way to waking up.
Master and I discussed it and He decided that He would wake me up and tell me it was time to kneel. I would get up out of bed, go to His side of the bed, and kneel for a few minutes while I woke up. Once I feel I’m awake enough for walking down stairs to be an actual possibility and not endanger my life, I am to ask if I could go make His coffee (a further way to get me moving and motivated). Although the getting up part was daunting, it sounded good to me because my deeper goal was starting my day in submission to Him.
The first few days went splendidly. Well, not exactly splendidly as, like I said, I am not a morning person, but it had the desired effect. Then a few mornings later I was semi-awoken to Master telling me He loved me, giving me a kiss on the head and then leaving the bedroom. The seconds ticked by like hours inside my head as I slowly inched my way up out of pre-morning haze and then it hit me full force – Wait Just a Cotton Pickin’ Minute! Hold up! Something’s not right. I got out of bed, threw my robe on and stumbled down over the stairs. About half way down I could see Him standing in the kitchen and when He turned and saw me He said “Hey baby, what are you doing?” Oh if submissive looks could kill! I shot Him one of those “I’m far from happy” looks (maybe I shouldn’t have but hey, I was still half awake), turned, and headed back up the stairs. To be honest what I really wanted to do was stomp my foot, point at Him, and proclaim “Bad Master!” and then storm off. It may sound childish but that is exactly how I felt. The only thing that stopped me was one of our wee-one’s sitting on the couch awaiting their ride to school.
I reached the bedroom and plunked my ass on the edge of the bed, rubbing my eyes. I could hear Him coming up the stairs and thought I was possibly going to get chastised for that look I threw His way but I didn’t care. He came into the bedroom, sat beside me, put His arm around me and asked what was wrong. “You forgot” I mumbled, and believe me it was a mumble since it had to pass over my pouty lips and through His shoulder which I had leaned into. That’s when it hit Him. He chuckled a little, presumably at the childish behavior coming from a grown woman, rubbed my back, and apologized. He promised He wouldn’t forget again and He has kept that promise so I’m fully recovered and one happy woman. Well, maybe not exactly thrilled (see – not morning person) but we’ve done the ritual ever since.
I don’t think He realized until just that moment, how very important that ritual had become for me. Like the bedtime ritual, the morning ritual had become a way for me to start my day being who I am (His), and center myself in preparation for everything else that would come along throughout the rest of the day. Do I still want Him to wake me up with sex? Oh hell yeah! Anytime! (PS – love morning sex!) Do I still want to have some of that cuddle time in the morning, when He wraps His arms around me and I can feel His skin against mine, feel His every breath? Mmmm hmmm. But when He finally says “It’s time to kneel” that’s when I truly start my day.
Rituals don’t always go perfectly, even one’s you’ve been doing for a while (this morning would be another example, which was on me this time but that’s another post), but they are important, will become like second nature over time, and can be very effective. Whether or not they are simple or elaborate is completely up to you, but either way the benefit can be huge. And like your relationship they may evolve. You may have to make changes, adjustments, or even throw them out completely and try something different if they’re not working at all. The key is to keep them consistent (ie don’t forget), to make them doable (ie no head stands unless you’re a gymnast), and to make sure they have a purpose that is meaningful.
Kneeling each morning and every night are my two favorite rituals, and now that I’ve been doing them for a while I’d have to say they mean the world to me and I’d feel lost without them….which, coincidently, is exactly how you know they’re good ones. 😉