I’ve read a few posts recently on Feminism and BDSM, which was funny since I had been mulling around that very same topic in my head for a few weeks now. In one way as it pertains to society as a whole and in another way as it pertains to my growth as a submissive/slave and my Masters as a Dominant.
Feminism, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities, or the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. Many people think that by choosing to be a submissive or slave we are going against the feminist movement or don’t believe in this concept altogether. I have to say, at least for myself, that is completely wrong and it pains me to see submissives/slaves ridiculed in that way.
I believe in equality of the sexes. I think that men and women who work the same job should get the same pay. I believe that men and women should have the same opportunities, whether it pertains to work, careers, sports, education, or politics. To say that men or women are “better suited” for one job or another doesn’t always ring true. I’ve known some women who fit perfectly into the construction world (even some that could bench press their husbands – lol) and some men who are perfectly happy and content being daycare providers for small children. I don’t think it should be based on what’s between your legs as much as what your abilities are, what you are passionate about, what brings you the most sense of accomplishment, and where you can succeed and give the most back to the world. In this respect I believe that the feminist movement was aptly motivated and support that portion of the movement whole heartedly.
But in some respects, personally, I think some parts of the movement went a little too far. There are differences between men and women that can’t be denied. Physiological differences, thought process differences, muscular and skeletal differences, processing differences, and growth and development differences that can’t all be accounted for in a “my way or the highway” attitude. And I think in some ways, by trying to encourage the ideal that both sexes are exactly the same, we’ve lost something as a society – the ability to celebrate and enjoy our differences.
It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, gay or straight, transgender or whatever, the biggest thing I believe in is the opportunity to do what feels right for you. That’s the part of the feminist movement that I feel needs to be celebrated – it opened up opportunities, choices. The biggest thing the feminist movement brought to me was the knowledge that I could choose, and had the opportunity, to do whatever I set my mind to and was not limited so much by preconceived ideas based on my genitals. The rest, what I or anyone else chooses to do, should be left alone to personal preference, and not scorned by others.
I am a very strong capable woman, and often times in my life was very independent. I could change my own tires and oil (and a host of other mechanical things), open my own doors, construct my own wood working projects, put shingles on a roof, fix the furnace, lift something heavy, wear pants, and open my own jar lids (Lol). Often times I did all these things (and more) because I was the only one available to do them. I didn’t mind doing them, and in a lot of ways each time I learn to do something new I felt a sense of accomplishment, but here’s the thing. In a lot of ways, by having to do all these things myself, and by being encouraged to ‘do anything a boy can do’ I feel I lost some of my femininity. I am still a girl, through and through, but pants got a lot more comfortable than skirts or dresses, my fingernails being painted didn’t take priority when I knew I was just going to chip them doing some manual labor task anyway, and I forgot to celebrate the very essence of being a woman….just a woman. Because of this one of my biggest challenges recently has been getting back in touch with that feminine side, the way I walk, dress, etc. I am having to relearn how to celebrate being the soft, tender, curvy, and sensuous woman I always was.
I also think that when a woman can do all these things for herself it in some ways can emasculate the men they are with. I know for a fact that happened quite a bit in my previous relationships. I got used to doing things on my own so even when I didn’t have to it became sort of like habit – easier just to do it myself than to ask someone else. I’m sure many of the men in my past wondered what they could offer me when I made more money than they did, could fix my own car, could manage the entire household on my own, fix the leak under the kitchen sink, shingle the roof, cut and split the wood, and open my own jars. I am not saying don’t learn how to do these things. I think every woman should know how to change their own tire, etc, but when you’re in a relationship remember that you have a counterpart, a partner, that needs to feel “needed” to. Learn the very important lesson of – Just because you know how to doesn’t mean you always should.
This is the part where I also have to interject that in some ways the hardcore feminist movement might have stripped men of some of their own individuality. I wanted a man who was strong and capable, who could be a leader and authoritative. I wanted him to have a soft side of course, but to also maintain the ability to be “a man”. For years now boys have been taught that ‘assuming leadership’ in any way shape or form, even within the family unit, is wrong. And how many times do you hear men tell jokes about how after marriage, sex is a seldom occurrence if not non-existent? Women hold all the power so your best bet is to defer to them, let them make all the decisions, so that maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll get some. Who cares if you’re not having your mental, emotional, or physical needs met or feeling emasculated? We want a man who is strong and confident, a gentleman, a true source of solace and guidance when we need it, but then teach them as boys that anything they can do we can do better. How does that instill any kind of confidence? Master had some difficulties stepping into a leadership role because this is what He had been taught by society and experience. Looking at it as a whole it makes me wonder sometimes if the feminist movement, in its goal for equality, tipped the scales a little too far the other way?
Now to get back to my point and bring home this whole rambling post – just because I choose to be a submissive/slave does not mean I’m against the feminist movement. By choosing this lifestyle I am not disrespecting all the hard work those earlier women put into gaining equal rights for women. I am simply doing what feels right to me, based on my own personal experiences, thoughts, ideas, and dreams. I thank each and every woman that fought to make it possible for me to pursue the job I want, work and raise a family, get equal pay for equal work, and all the opportunities to learn and do all the things I want to do without fear of being ridiculed. Just because I choose to live a more “traditional” lifestyle in my relationship, where my husband is my leader, does not negate that.
If you’re a woman and you want to open your own doors, fix your own car, be in charge of your house, order your husband around, be the leader in your family, refuse sex when you don’t really feel like it, etc – be my guest. I will not ridicule you for it. I may still think I wouldn’t trade my life for yours, EVER, but I would respect you for making a choice that is right for you.
I made this choice because it feels right for me. For once in my life I am allowed, and encouraged, to simply be a woman. I don’t have to fulfill both male and female roles either as a parent or within my relationship. I am free to celebrate my body, my soft skin, my lips, hips and breasts (among other parts). I am free to dress in a way that accentuates my femininity and wear beautiful high heels no matter how impractical. I can let loose my soft emotional side without always having to be logical and authoritative. I submit to and serve my Husband not because it’s His agenda, but because it’s also mine! I like that when I submit to and serve Him it makes Him feel more confident, more of a leader, needed, wanted, and valued. I like that He has the final say in most matters because it frees my mind up for other things I’d rather do or think about. That doesn’t mean He makes all the decisions without my input, in fact a majority of the time He does get my input and I always feel that what I have to say or my opinion is valued. Does He use me sexually? Damn straight! But if you think that doesn’t make me wet and horny think again!
I chose this lifestyle because I’m tired of always having to be the one in control. I’ve done that enough in my life and now I simply want to enjoy just being supportive and being who I am. I chose this lifestyle because there is safety in it for me – we hide nothing from each other, there are no lies, no power trips, and no hidden agendas. I kneel at His feel not because He makes me (well sometimes He might – see reference to “wet and horny”) but because I am so proud of Him and He acts in a way that is deserving of my total devotion, kneeling before Him is just one way of expressing that emotion. And if you ever saw us out eating dinner at a restaurant you may notice that I don’t start eating until He does or you may even catch me calling Him Sir – but before that you would notice that He opened the door for me, seated me before He took His seat, He doesn’t ogle the waitress or any other woman right in front of me, He is a gentleman, He is just as focused on me as I am on Him, and the look in our eyes is nothing short of true love and devotion for each other. Now admit it – you just got kind of jealous…..